Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
