You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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