I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
