she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have fence marks all over my body
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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