R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
