I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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