i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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