there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
