you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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