mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
