In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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