I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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