PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
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you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
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He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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