did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
