I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
