the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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