It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
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Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
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