i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
