whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
