literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
