like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
