Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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