I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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