I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I could fuck to npr.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
