I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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