tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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