So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
