how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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