I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
