and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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