I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
