why didn't you poke me back
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
