There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
