I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
