I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
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He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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