I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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