What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
