im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Mom said you looked used
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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