You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize