you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If I die, sorry about rent.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
