I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Ketchup is God's man juice
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
