I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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