Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
