If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
