There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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