I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
