My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
