I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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