I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
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You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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