Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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