I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the condom got lost in my hair
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
