Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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