Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
