gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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