Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
