I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
