Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
