im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
