They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
