Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Enjoy the penises
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It all started with a game of naked twister.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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