There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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