it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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