Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
