Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
