You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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