guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
