My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
