and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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