All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
