I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
