I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
