Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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